(The names in the story are changed in order to protect the identity of the persons involved.)
Dalip and Neelam had a love marriage after an affair for over six years. Another six years into married life and while Neelam got busy with the home and hearth, Dalip found a new love interest in Radhika, a sales executive in his dyeing mill. With Neelam's mounting tension and the frequent quarrels that ensued between the couple, Dalip decided to elope with his new love and they are now on a rendezvous in London even as Neelam continues to suffer here.
Says Neelam, "I often wonder at the way human relationships are forged and then go awry. I just sit back and think of the old times when we were both very much in love and could do anything for each other. It is then that I wonder if I knew the real Dalip even for a passing moment."
This is not just a stray incident where love went bust up after marriage. The new age mantra of the dotcom generation is speed up to take no time to form a relationship, carry on with it as long as possible and when it fails, have no regrets.
With a lot of liberalisation of thoughts and the growing equality of sexes in the upper and middle classes, love marriages are quite common in Ludhiana. Generally, giving liberty to the girls by the parents is regarded as a proof of one's being fashionable and of moving with the times. Under this backdrop, most parents in the city are increasingly becoming open to their children making efforts to finding a prospective partner- be it for marriage or for a date.
In spite of the fact that most denizens in the city are suckers for a run- of- the- mill romance and the affair culminating into a marriage, where everyone lives happily ever after, the reality is quite different. Other than this in a lot many cases, the couple breaks off miles before the aisle, but the degree of hurt and the pain of a relationship that could not work out remains just the same.
Take the case of Rohit and Tammana, both college students, who had been going out from their school days. After the couple finished with their graduation, Tammana decided to stay here for her postgraduation, but Rohit moved out to do MCA. Initially, the couple was in regular touch over the telephone, but slowly Rohit grew apprehensive when his calls to Tammana always met with the response that she was away. Later, he learnt that she had met another guy and the two were now a cosy twosome, with no place for him.
Depressed over the loss of his love, he attempted suicide unsuccessfully. Today, almost two years after the set back, he has lost his own ethereal charm, his ambitions and dreams and prefers the solitude of the four walls of his room.
Mr Anil Gupta, father of two teenage children, says " It is good to give liberty to one's children, but only if they also realise their responsibilities. Many parents think it is fashionable if there children are having an affair or have a love marriage, but don't teach them the value of adjustment. This is when the trouble begins and with no one acting counsellor, love is bound to go bust, but because of family and social constraints, many a times the couple carries on a loveless relation."
The case of Amarinder Singh and Inderpreet Kaur is another example in this regard. The couple had an affair for over 11 years and later decided to tie the knot. Barely a month after the marriage, the couple realised that they were actually not made for each other and other than their emotional attachment, they had nothing much in common. Soon the harsh realities of life took over the emotional attachment. Though the couple still lives together for the sake of there two-year-old daughter, their house is more a place for quarrels and fights than a place where love thrives.
Dr Rajiv Gupta, a consultant psychiatrist, says "The difference in love marriages and arranged marriages is that in the former the emotions go downhill as the intensity of emotions has already reached its climax before marriage. But in arranged marriages, the relationship develops from a zero to reach the peak "
He argues that after two people in love decide to get married, they generally fail to accept that in reality, life is different from what they had expected before marriage. "Both partners are unwilling to take on the responsibility and the blame and it is then that the friction begins between them. Most often, unlike in arranged marriages, families too fail to act as a support system and the responsibility of making the marriage work rests solely on the shoulders of the couple."
